I do most of my thinking after I go to bed at night. Prayers and then try to quiet my brain. Not an easy task. My thoughts turned to the effects that Multiple Sclerosis has had on my physical as well as emotional self. 

Physically if I number the changes it is a never ending list. No sooner do I finish and I will read another survivors or remember another one to add.

Here is my list:

Brain fog: causing forgetfulness, slurred speech and not being able to find the words I want to say.

Eye pain, twitching, blurred eye focus, styes, headaches, migraines, insomnia.

Trouble swallowing or choking on a drip of water or the tiniest piece of food.

Dry mouth and morning lock jaw.

Low blood pressure and high resting heart rate, dizziness and fainting.

Weakness, range of motion and tingling in my arms, hand dexterity. 

Bladder, bowel, digestive and sexual issues.

Back pain from sitting in a wheelchair 24/7.

Pudendal nerve pain requiring nerve blocks every three months.

Baclofen pump to control leg spasticity with refills every six months. Pressure areas from being non-ambulatory.

Leg atrophy and spasms when transferring. 

Random tremors in any part of my body.

Ankle and foot edema if I sit too long without raising them.

I haven’t driven a car in 15 years due to drop foot on my right side and can’t be on my own for more than a few hours.

All of these effects are directly related to the actual disease or side effects of medications I have taken for the last twenty years.

My emotional wellbeing has taken a toll on me as well. Giving up my independence and activities that I love, needing help with just about everything has resulted in depression, irritability, mood changes and anxiety. 

I will not outlive this disease but I will try desperately to stay positive and faithful regardless of the circumstances that surround me.